Race: The Flavors of the Rainbow

Since race is an everyday topic of my life, I am choosing to write about it today. I wish I had the luxury of not thinking about it. I hope to some day find a place that it would not be an issue but I doubt it. Today I was perusing a blog I’ve been digging and I came across a post the author wrote that made me really self reflective. You may have to read the post to understand my response. So here is is:

How I Fell For, Proposed To, And Will Marry A White Woman

My reflection:

I know this was a joke in all but the story you wrote was very thought provoking for me for three reasons. The first being that we are from the same city and just like in many parts of the US… Florida, Michigan, and California etc. … as you know racism is a huge issue. (My sis just shared with me the story about Leon Ford Jr. and it makes my heart sad, it also re-enforces my decision to leave the Burgh) So when you said you fell in love with a White woman combined with my childhood experiences with racism I have to admit I felt a twinge of disappointment. I was a little confused too because I thought I seen an earlier post of you and your girl who (I thought) is Black but I digress. The first thought I had in my head after reading the title was another Good Very Smart Brotha Bites the DUST. Sad I know but that’s what I felt. Call it insecurity and issues with rejection because that’s what they are; I am just being honest about what I was feeling.

My second observation after that was guilt. Why couldn’t I just be happy for you and your vanilla lady. I do believe that love is colorless yet I guess concerning Black men with White women I am not as sure about how I should be feeling. What I do know is that I have no issue with interracial love. I have biracial family members whom I love very much. Some of my childhood best-friends are White and I currently have friends that are in interracial marriages. (And no they are not token friendships!) So why should I even care about race or whoever Black men are choosing to spend their lives with?

If I am truly honest with myself, then my truth is this, my feelings are really about me wanting to marry a Black man. I want to have healthy Black babies (which they will be because I am Black, lol). I remember playing with my Christie doll and her man was Keith not Ken. I don’t think a White man would be able to reassure me that he would keep our kids safe or that we would be able to teach and prepare our son for interactions with the police or other encounters racism. (Although Bill De Blasio has challenged this thought…) This is just my preference but I also feel like Black men need to step it up in regards to being more forthcoming of their feelings in relationships. Then again maybe that is an overall man issue.

Side bar: I’ve just recently started visiting your site because I fell in love with the piece you wrote on How Black People Feel. So I know I am back tracking in the comments.

Thirdly, I have to constantly remind myself that before I left home I knew, was friends with and worked with authentically good White people. Unfortunately, race will always be an issue in America because she doesn’t want to acknowledge her history and racism is so ingrained in the formation of this country I think we will be dealing with this issue until Christ returns. I must say this though by the end of you piece, before your sign off, I was rooting for you and your fiancé. Just thought I’d share my thoughts and I think I am going to post this on my blog. Thanks for the inspiration!

What I’m still trying to figure out… A friend of mine asked me if God didn’t have plans for me to marry a Black man then what? I couldn’t fathom the thought, I never thought about dating outside my race but I didn’t think I had a problem with Black men in IR relationships. So I guess I have more growing to do and I have been thinking about why I hold the preferences I do or perhaps I am just over thinking as usual.

Until Next Time…

Adventurous Daydreamer

They That Wait

So this is very challenging for me to share because I am a private person but I realize that sharing can be empowering and I am always down for empowerment through truth. A person, most likely a young lady reached out to Shannon Boodram a popular youtube vlogger I follow. She is very entertaining and is never afraid to discuss any topic. She also has a new web segment called Logic vs. Magic and last week’s post she answered a viewer’s question on how to be confident in being a virgin. This piqued my interest because I am a confident 30 year old virgin.

That’s wasn’t too hard to write. I’m sure someone will read this and feel like I lack discretion or that by sharing this info I’m in some way trying to make myself appear as though I’m better than someone who hasn’t waited (because that has been the perceived notion and tone in our society towards virgins) but I am not writing this to put anyone down. I’m writing this because our society lately makes sex a necessity and virginity a joke.

ex. 40 Year Old Virgin Image   Only ten more years to go…

Well, I’m here to tell you paying rent is a necessity, food and water is a necessity and knowing why you are abstaining is a necessity.

Again I say this not as a put down piece for those who are sexually active. It seems like for those who haven’t waited, my decision offends them (and it’s usually men). I have definitely heard a mélange of things from guys who were just trying to get their sexual urges met. I mean I’ve had my sexual preference questioned, been called weird and hung up on, etc.. And yes I am relieved I didn’t waste too much time on those winners.

Now back to the topic at hand, how to they that wait can have confidence while waiting.

After watch Ms. B’s video, I realized I had chosen both logic (the brain) and magic (the heart). My initial decision to wait was birthed out of teenage heartbreak (a high school crush who didn’t reciprocate mutual feelings) and daddy-less daughter drama, in walks logic and voila you have a bright eyed teen attempting to avoid starting her own baggage collection business. HA! (I laugh because we are all born with carry on luggage)

So to successfully dodge heart shaped bullets; I made a decision to wait until my special guy entered my life and we would fall madly in love (while all the birds were chirping) and would get married and have lots of great sex and cute cuddly babies!

Speaking of babies, I am also the oldest of my siblings and I got to do quite a bit of babysitting in my formative years. My siblings were the best birth control ever! I truly learned how much responsibility babies could be. At first my logic was easy to walk out and I had other friends who had made the same pledge.

Then came another formative moment when the magic of my choice began, I had decided to accept Christ and became a Christian at 18, right before college. Yay!

This is when things became interesting, my pledge support system was no longer around and I had to make a real clear choice as to why I was choosing abstinence. I was going to be confident in it and would it takes to not set myself up for failure in fulfilling this desire.

Truth is you have to be sure of who you are and know this lifestyle is for you regardless if people pressure you, put you down or call you out in class, sigh, this has happened to moi, and walk confidently with your head high.

On the real, yes, I have sexual thoughts and feelings and because of that I have learned the importance of personal boundaries.

I choose not to read certain books, listen to certain music, and go to certain places (or stay too long). I am not naïve, I have attended plenty of sex seminars (informationals) on sexual health and preventive care and I have a gynecologist.  I think it’s important to be educated but you can learn without compromising your values, mental, spiritual or physical well-being.

I already know when I get married I’m going to be cray-cray over my hubby, best believe it. Sex will do that to you.

Also, I want to mention my thoughts on masturbation. While it is not intercourse, it’s (from what I’ve been told) like opening up Pandora’s box. It’s the gateway activity before sex. So why would I make it harder for me to wait? That’s like me being a Biggest Loser contestant who enjoys licking the salt off my favorite brand of potato chips then putting the rest of the chips back in the bag all while on a fast! One word… TEMPTATION. Which leads to a big #fail. No thanks.

If I haven’t pissed you off yet or have made you roll your eyes, congrats! You made it to the end this posting which will self-destruct in 5 seconds but before you go just know if you’re waiting, you’re not alone in this world. There are many of us who reside in district 9.

Until next time my friends …

Adventurous Daydreamer